It is currently Jul 20, 2019 8:16 am


Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

What it feels like to go through the thousand shades of gray that get labeled bipolar, mania, depression, schizophrenia, borderline, panic, anxiety, psychosis, attention deficit, obsessive-compulsive, self-injury and ... what's it like in your world? How do you relate to your mind and your diagnosis? What language makes sense to you?

Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby Laerrus » Jun 30, 2017 4:39 pm

I've experienced delirium in manic state but this one is becoming too much for me to handle. It started during an addiction process I'm finally dealing with at a sober house. I mentioned it in a blog post, methamphetamines, probably the hardest thing since I quit drinking some 20 years ago. For the AA peeps, I slipped 3 times, one night each time hanging out with old drinking friends so my official sober time is about two years I think.
Anyway, while high on meth (two years) I was living close to a freeway when suddenly the buzzing, whirring sometimes roaring freeway started talking to me. It began one late night by telling me "Janet is evil, Janet is evil..." over and over again for hours. That was my roommate at the time and my enabler I guess, or it was the situation itself was enabling me so on retrospect it seemed appropriate but at the time I was defending her and couldn't figure what was going on until I realized I could make the freeway speak under my will by making it repeat things I was thinking, being high of course I was having fun with it and didn't take it too seriously but I ended up talking to spirits or so I thought. They began telling me stories which included my roommate and the neighbors and I eventually heard actual voices coming from the neighboring houses. All too difficult to explain here but I'm here now and sober. The voices had me for almost a year or more and I could do nothing but try to figure out what was happening. Being high I deluded myself to think they were magnificent, malevolent even comical as I slowly deduced they were most likely coming from my own head.
The problem is here, in a sober state, two months now, I'm still hearing the voices anywhere there is machinery like in cars, busses, air conditioning etc and the only time I get any peace is in quiet places, late at night or in nature.
Considering I was hearing shit almost everywhere like running water, music and TV to name a few it has reduced quite a bit but still I am forced to wear headphones most of the time. I've been able to concentrate on the cars and make them return to their original rummm rum sound and that's good but with the recovery process comes anxiety and depression so I feel like my brain is broken.
The voice(s) calls itself "we" because originally the freeway sounded like a crowd talking together but occasionally talks in the singular.
Details are hard to communicate but in essence boredom and isolating depression has me still challenging them and making comments about what I say and think to myself and it's making me feel crazy however, considering any actual voices male female or otherwise ceased once I stopped using I'm hopeful this is not as much schizophrenia or a serious diagnosis but more like pattern recognition. Much of what I hear is repeated phrases which can border on condemnation and insults and I just want it to stop.
Again too much to describe here but one thing that has been constant is when I decide not to say something or change my stream of thought I hear "we thought you were going to say ... " I can tell it's coming from my expectations, I anticipate it and it speaks. I feel like time in nature coupled with meditation might help.
This is the first time confessing this in detail to anyone so I'm sure it will relieve some frustration but I'm feeling vulnerable as ever so any response kind in kin or otherwise is greatly appreciated.

The whole process has been amazing and I'd love to write about it. Balthazar (Obama's spiritual and hellbound advisor) Alistair (named after Mr Crowley?) the methamphetamine underground voices people trying to contact me and meet, unsuccessfully of course.

I am essentially athiest with gnostic underpinnings and any delusions I've had in the past have met me in wordplay and metaphor at ground level but this experience takes the cake. I'm told depression and anxiety can linger six months or more so I'm hoping the voice problem will settle back to murmur status. Thing is I'm fascinated with the subconscious implications so it's hard to let go at times.

Thanks for reading, putting this to words is one reason I haven't been posting here in a while, not to mention the two year high time.

"A paracusia, or auditory hallucination, is a form of hallucination that involves perceiving sounds without auditory stimulus. A common form of auditory hallucination involves hearing one or more talking voices."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auditory_hallucination
Last edited by Laerrus on Jun 30, 2017 4:56 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Tri ball minded
User avatar
Laerrus
 
Posts: 5676
Joined: Aug 05, 2013 8:39 pm

Re: Hearing Voices

Postby Dan2013 » Jun 30, 2017 4:48 pm

Sounds heavy. I hope that you can process this stuff soon and be in a better mental state. Good to see you back here in any case. Good luck with sobriety and wellness. I know it is work.

I myself have had voices and such a couple of nights the past few months, but was able to get rid of them by sleeping. The sleep allowed me to "reset" when I woke up the next day without voices. Let us know if we can help in any way.

DN2013
Dan2013
 
Posts: 7562
Joined: Jun 05, 2013 5:28 pm

Re: Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby naomibardo » Jun 30, 2017 5:33 pm

Hi Laerrus,i haven't read all your post but I just wanted to say hi and its good to see you here again.
naomibardo
 
Posts: 7613
Joined: Feb 17, 2014 8:52 am

Re: Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby Laerrus » Jun 30, 2017 5:56 pm

Hello Dan and naomibardo (sorry can't remember naomibardo straightaway but I'm sure I will)
Just barely keeping the head straight in recovery but pulling through, pulling through
One step at a time
Tri ball minded
User avatar
Laerrus
 
Posts: 5676
Joined: Aug 05, 2013 8:39 pm

Re: Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby solefood » Jun 30, 2017 10:34 pm

ive had similar experiences but i could never make out what was being said. that said, ive been known to also hear music in ambient noise (like from the refridgorator, a stream, etc. ). i looked into it a bit and hearing voices or music in what is essentially white noise is common enough i guess. the brain is a pattern finding machine basically so if you throw enough chaos at it (which the waveform for noise essentially is), patterns will start to emerge. definitely drugs (and the resulting sleep deprivation!dont forget that one!) can make stuff like that overwhelmingly intsense, at least in my experience. i think amphetamines are almost evil. when i was taking speed too much i had an episode of seeing and hearing people who may or may not have been there. im lucky i didnt go to jail. or die.

my two cents. good to see you around again
the world is not my home I'm just passing through
User avatar
solefood
 
Posts: 4765
Joined: Nov 10, 2014 6:32 pm

Re: Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby WindThroughDoor » Nov 16, 2017 2:21 pm

I think it is the mind making shape out of chaos. I get this. it then can come out like the collective subconscious, both light and shadow. Mindfulness sort of helps but it is hard. I have to get some help for anxiety and depression and feel I can't tell them about voices due to being overmedicated in the past. I mostly try to ignore them. it is in the chaos of sounds for me, like traffic, air conditioning, etc. I don't do well interacting with this phenomena. I find sometimes chanting will change what they are saying into a chant or mantra. music helps. I do think nature and meditation help...to see the emptiness in this phenomena helps. it helps to ask this mindfulness question "from where does the voice (s) arise? to where does it subside?" there then is emptiness. it can be exhausting tho. I may have to play music all the time or something. may there be relief for all. I think I have to avoid pot too. I have liked how it can relax me but I think it can be troublesome too. I also heard coffee can make people hear voices sometimes. I really like coffee but trying to reduce it. I think it is like seeing images in an inkblot but with sound and all sorts of collective subconscious can come out of there. also then there is an echo thing it does too. it is like a greek chorus but sort of dim now in the background. I just have to go about my life anyways.
I am glad this site is still here.
Forever is composed of nows. ~Emily Dickinson
User avatar
WindThroughDoor
 
Posts: 6610
Joined: Jun 08, 2009 6:19 pm

Re: Hearing Voices in sound (paracusia)

Postby red sunday » May 13, 2019 1:31 am

hi laerrus-

sounds like you fell down the rabbit hole the wrong fucking way!

sorry you had such a bad experience with that...but what do you expect with crystal? meth can be a very ugly drug.

this is exactly why I myself stick with MDMA...I don't have paranoia or falling asleep like I did with crystal meth (don't ask me why...but I literally fell asleep on meth....for hours on end...maybe because I have ADHD?) plus MDMA doesn't age you prematurely.

perhaps this is telling you something about yourself....llike there's a hidden meaning behind this bad trip..

if it makes you feel any better, I regularly hear voices or sounds....I can actually make out full fledged conversations...I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder(bipolar type).....but I think I hear and see spirits....like the dead, etc.

I think our culture is so skeptical of the other side---that anything they don't immediately understand---like the 6th sense...they immediately label as schizoaffective disorder, etc.

just my thoughts. I will admit i suffer heavily from PTSD...and definitely have bipolar...but i myself am skeptical of actually being schizoaffective versus possibly....ugg...psychic.. (i hate using that word because i think there are a lot of fake psychics that make people who really have gifts look bad).

do you still hear the voices now? or did it get better?
"I'm not crazy---my reality is just different that yours." --The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
User avatar
red sunday
 
Posts: 1186
Joined: Nov 05, 2006 5:01 am
Location: Wonderland


Return to Experiencing "Madness" and "Extreme States"

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron