Having PTSD and being triggered with no drugs fucking sucks

[Spinygrrl]

I could really use like 3 muscle relaxers and an ambien right now. Nothing good, long term, will happen should I do this. And I'm not going to, at least not today. But jfc, there is a price either way. And they don't so much tell you about the sober one.

Like this: I'm slightly better after talking to a well muscled friend who's cool with stabbings as solutions to certain problems, but my arms and legs still feel like crampy string cheese, I haven't made dinner and feel shame, and I really hope tonight is not the fourth night of very little nightmare plagued sleep, but it's anyone's guess, really, plus the main thing that greater awareness of my mental condition has brought is that I can feel the trauma compounding like stacked books in a fascist burn pile.

Whereas if I had just a few certain chems, I might not even remember the horrors that tonight may bring.

But I don't know, eventually I'd probably OD and die or start drinking again and then well yknow if you've read my blog for the past ten years you already know all about that, so.

There are reasons people use drugs. Good reasons.

But alas they are not for me... So tonight, sobriety, PtSd and the Demons of the Spined One get to have a goddamn tea party in mah head.

Solid,

Spiny the Sleepless

Feel free to speak on this topic, or else leave your messages about how great your current drug regime is so I can escape my pain by living yours vicariously - in solidarity - thanks

[stonefruits]

ah sorry you are suffering. it sucks to weigh drugs vs not drugs because both have consequences. maybe there's like some kinda herbal thing you can take

[equidancers]

.

[babblefish]

The internet ate a post that I made on this particular theme in my present. I really wish it hadn't. Getting it out in the open might have helped.
I feel you.

[red sunday]

Dr. Red Sunday here.

oh am I all too familiar with this bullshit. I have pretty bad flashbacks myself. If you can...try to get on an anxiety med like lorazepam.

until then, I am going to prescribe you Opium. all you have to do is smoke it, and I promise you will forget all your worries.

((Probably the best doctor ever, with no degree whatsoever....))

[sandpiper]

Opium tea made from opium poppies is good medicine.

[red sunday]

to be honest, ive never had the tea....but I have smoked opium...and it was quite a rush...

not currently on any drugs....however, that doesn't mean that I don't support some drugs being legal and I do not think drug dealers or producers should be sentenced to prison

I find it odd that major tobacco companies...which cause people to get CANCER...are legal, yet things like MDMA which could help cure cancer therapeutically...is illegal.

I just think we are very backwards in our approach to drugs. I think there should be no WAR ON DRUGS...just WAR ON OVERDOSE or CRIMES AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE WHILE ON DRUGS.

anyways.

I think ive said my piece on this. I have flashbacks a lot and paranoia due from my rape...but I think for the most part im handling it pretty well sober....though some MDMA wouldn't kill me in my recovery.

sorry you are struggling spiny. hope you find a resolution to these nightmares and struggles.