I could really use like 3 muscle relaxers and an ambien right now. Nothing good, long term, will happen should I do this. And I'm not going to, at least not today. But jfc, there is a price either way. And they don't so much tell you about the sober one.
Like this: I'm slightly better after talking to a well muscled friend who's cool with stabbings as solutions to certain problems, but my arms and legs still feel like crampy string cheese, I haven't made dinner and feel shame, and I really hope tonight is not the fourth night of very little nightmare plagued sleep, but it's anyone's guess, really, plus the main thing that greater awareness of my mental condition has brought is that I can feel the trauma compounding like stacked books in a fascist burn pile.
Whereas if I had just a few certain chems, I might not even remember the horrors that tonight may bring.
But I don't know, eventually I'd probably OD and die or start drinking again and then well yknow if you've read my blog for the past ten years you already know all about that, so.
There are reasons people use drugs. Good reasons.
But alas they are not for me... So tonight, sobriety, PtSd and the Demons of the Spined One get to have a goddamn tea party in mah head.
Solid,
Spiny the Sleepless
Feel free to speak on this topic, or else leave your messages about how great your current drug regime is so I can escape my pain by living yours vicariously - in solidarity - thanks