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Bright Red Rain doodle - Triggering: Cutting

Bright Red Rain doodle - Triggering: Cutting

Postby ObjectsInMirrors » Jan 16, 2012 12:07 am

I don't have any drawing skill, but I thought this one was interesting and wanted to preserve it here.

Did this doodle on the phone. Wasn't thinking about it just drawing with sharpies. Bright red rain, blood, stars, temptation, screams. blue green girls, baby, meditation, pain, scissors with dotted lines: CUT HERE.

Desperate search for love and peace pushes me towards death.



Image
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Re: Bright Red Rain doodle - Triggering: Cutting

Postby fightforroses » Jan 17, 2012 9:43 am

I like looking at your art. I want to say that I don't think there's anything automatically self-destructive about causing one's self pain, but I'm glad you're finding other ways and working through what the act *means* to you. Listening.
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Re: Bright Red Rain doodle - Triggering: Cutting

Postby ObjectsInMirrors » Jan 18, 2012 12:09 am

Thanks very much FFR. When I read your comment it makes a lot more sense for me if it was in response to my mad map thread from yesterday. I am not sure if i can relate your comment to this doodle. Regardless, cutting for me is often an attempt to stabilize my mood or prevent more serious damage, and other times is a form of punishment- which is also ultimately a quest for mood stabilization. I guess cutting does not seem congruent to respecting my body and ultimately myself at this point in my life. I haven't cut in about 6 months but started drawing about it on this doodle and then that night had overwhelming urges when I had flashbacks which led to the mad map drawing. Maybe its just me. I don't know. It's kind of for me like having abusive sexual fantasies. I guess if it brings me pleasure at times why is it bad but at the same time i have this belief that I should be able to skip the pain and tough love and just love. that i need to stop romanticizing and eroticizing pain. Dunno, would be interested to hear any further thoughts you have.

OIM
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Re: Bright Red Rain doodle - Triggering: Cutting

Postby fightforroses » Jan 18, 2012 12:12 am

Yeah, I guess I was thinking about the other one too. I don't feel like it's my place to tell you what kind of fantasies you should have, but I think it's good if you feel like you can help yourself by romanticizing things that are gentler/less dark.
Real Me unavailable due to bullying and harassment.
Equidancers, ESQ's rape fantasies about me available at
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http://bit.ly/299egBd , and
http://bit.ly/297MGog
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