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bulimia stuff

Many of us have found that food plays a large part in our physical and mental health. Some of us struggle with our relationship with food. What are you eating (or not eating) these days?

bulimia stuff

Postby dahna » Nov 14, 2012 2:05 pm

i have not binged and purged since last march, giving me a record breaking seven months without symptom use (the ED-rehab speak..."symptom use"...). i have no idea how much i weigh right now. i have a vague idea of how many calories i consume, which is somewhere in the higher range of normal range, as i struggle to accept.
i haven't eaten meat in about three years. most of my protein is coming from beans and nutritional yeast. i'm not deficient though, as far as i know. i eat way too much sugar and dairy. trying to cut back on that. caffeine also. i've done okay with eliminating fake sugars for the most part, drinking mostly seltzer and finally putting real sugar in my coffee and tea (most of the time...).
every time i eat though, it feels like a huge mistake. i panic after i've consumed more than i planned although having no plan, i dont see how that possible. its this sort of total lack of control that freaks me out. i will be not at all hungry, feel like i have to eat anyway, only to find myself balls deep in the bread drawer wondering what just happened. its triggered by stress and environment, obviously.
i need to structure meals, etc. i know. i just dont know how to cope with the overwhelming discomfort of sitting with the urge to binge, or the conflicting need to lose weight. i'm going to the gym between 5-10 hours a week. i only do the elliptical. i know i need to start doing less of that one machine and try to do some core stuff and stretching or whatever. that may help.
its the emotional stuff with food that i cant work out. i eat because i hate it.
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